The Bar Exam’s Unending Contempt For You, Charging $53 For A Turkey Sandwich

It’s no secret that the American Bar Exam Association and State Bar Associations are basically the worst, but now they’re charging you $53 bucks for lunch? A turkey sandwich?

I think it might be time to start looking into other career options, folks…I hear you can make $100K+ as an orthodontist these days!

First of all, you don’t really need a sandwich

You’re done with law school. Congratulations! And welcome to the world of work in which you need to pack your own lunch! But don’t worry, because we’ve found the perfect treat for your new profession as a working professional who doesn’t have time to stand in line at the grocery store anymore. We’re talking about our delicious 1/2-pound turkey sandwich with all-natural ingredients.. Just thinking about it is giving us butterflies (in our stomachs).

The second thing you need to know is that a sandwich, including ours, should cost no more than $10. This is just basic economics and we can assume that someone as smart as you wouldn’t disagree with such an elementary law of nature. However,

it turns out that our sandwich costs no less than 8 times more than it should! But don’t worry; we have an excuse for that. In fact, we have three: price gouging (it’s not technically illegal), lawyers (not all of us are scum), and exorbitant rent in Manhattan which enables us to charge you 50 times more for basic services.

Second, it will cost you $53.

It is your last day of law school, the eve before you are set to take the bar exam and cross over into the real world. Tomorrow morning you will wake up and arrive at the bar site bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, certain that everything will be smooth sailing from there on out.

Here is a message for you: it won’t be. It never is. What follows is four weeks of intense pressure as you find yourself cramming every legal concept in existence in Bar Exam.

while also trying to stay healthy, keep sane, and make sense of what the hell life even means now that this is over. But really, all that matters right now are these hours before bed when the only thing left between you and sleep is one final turkey sandwich. Let me tell you something: they don’t care about your measly $50 after working so hard for so long; they’ll charge you fifty-three dollars just because they can

Third and most importantly, why are you subjecting yourself to this?

Please just walk away and read something better. If not for your sake, do it for your children or your children’s children. Any semblance of a happy life you are able to attain by following these instructions will only be an illusion. The good part is Bar Exam that you have one life to live.

, so why would you spend that on instructions that are impossible to follow anyway? And if you do somehow manage to find success with this nonsense, it won’t make up for the emotional damage done along the way. There will be nothing happy about any of this and I hope someone cares enough about you not to want this for you in any way shape or form.

Fourthly (I know, I made up that word), you can buy two 12-packs of coke at the bodega instead.

Another way to keep your energy up through the afternoon is by eating. The bar examiners can’t charge you for food inside the testing room, but they can regulate what you eat outside of it. Pizza and sandwiches are sold in limited quantities or portions, according to their instructions.

This means they’re not going to let you leave the building with a whole pizza or a big sandwich – that’d be cheating! Again, the rule of thumb here is: if you want something new and not on their list of snacks and meal substitutes (fresh fruit? fresh vegetables?), buy two six-packs at bodegas near the testing site instead.

Fifthly (yes, I made up another word), there are better sandwiches in NYC.

But of course, the bar exam has an answer for that as well. They will have four different beers to choose from: a bock beer, a red ale, an IPA,

and a stout. What they do not have on their menu is something you might actually want to eat: like a turkey sandwich. No need to worry though! I found one place in NYC where you can buy one (with fries) for less than half of what the bar exam is charging.

Lastly (for real this time), avoid these types of situations in life.

There are some events in life that you should avoid as much as possible. One of these is the Bar Exam, an event that can really set in Bar Exam you back and cost a lot of money.

The majority of people take out loans or ask for help to pay for the test. If you find yourself with some free time and feeling like you want to give your mom one less thing to worry about before her daughter embarks on this stressful journey, I would highly suggest asking her to pay it forward instead!

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